I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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