It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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