I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
