Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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