Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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