Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
