I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
