When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
