i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
