Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
