The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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