Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
