sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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