Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
