Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
