somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
