Your face is a jimmy john
Plan B is the new Plan A
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
