we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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