He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
