yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
