Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
