I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
