he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
