Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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