totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
