if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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