Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
