my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
