Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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