Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
