Whod you bang
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
