jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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