8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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