This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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