the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
