...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
