So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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