why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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