I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
