OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
