I'm drive I can fine osifer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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