i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my sisters under your porch take her home
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
