the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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