Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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