Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
