I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
