No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
