The maid of honor just puked.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You pole danced in your parka.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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