Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
