Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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