Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
