I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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