I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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