your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
