If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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