Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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