i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
