Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
