yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
