The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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