Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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