I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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