there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
