I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
