I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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