I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
