Who did Billy Mays play for?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
