Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
